Lawyer Jokes
Everyone has heard funny jokes about laywers, courts, and legal problems.
Here are a few of my favorite lawyers jokes
Did you hear about the terrorists who took a whole courtroom full of lawyers
hostage?
They threatened to release one every hour until their demands where met.
Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
They had pictures of lawyers on them ... and people couldn't figure out which
side to spit on.
How are an apple and a lawyer alike?
They both look good hanging from a tree.
How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?
She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.
How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
How many lawyer jokes are there?
Only three. The rest are true stories.
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You were there until the time you left, is
that true? |
The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how
old is he? |
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Was it you or your younger brother who was
killed in the war? |
How far apart were the vehicles at the time
of the collision? |
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How many times have you committed suicide? |
Were you present when your picture was taken? |
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb.
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
What did the terrorist that hijacked a jumbo-jet full of lawyers
do?
He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.
What do dinosaurs and
decent lawyers have in common? They're both extinct. What do lawyers and sperm have in common? What do you call 25 attorneys buried
up to their chins in cement? What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?
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Lawyer:. When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to
and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not
to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him
to the station?
Lawyer: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.
A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, "How do you handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social function?" "Just send an account for such advice" replied the lawyer. On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 account. That afternoon he received a $100 account from the lawyer.
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